Mental load by Dr Bek

The concept of invisible labour – the unpaid work predominantly shouldered by women – is well-documented. From managing household chores to providing emotional support during challenging times like lockdowns, women often bear the brunt of these responsibilities. And while there's been progress in recognising this burden, the scales are far from balanced.

I am going to give you some techniques you can implement today, to delegate some of this load to other members in your family. Remembering we each need to lead by example, empowering our other family members with the skills they need to take on some of the load. Doing it ALL does not help us or our families.

When I landed my first full-time job, the reality of "only" four weeks' annual leave hit me hard. Then, as a small business owner, the hustle intensified. And when parenthood entered the picture, it felt like my workload tripled. Balancing work, family, and personal life – it's a juggling act that leaves us wondering how there's anything left in the tank.

Mental load encompasses the intangible burden of managing the logistics and schedules of family life while ensuring everyone's needs are met. When this work isn't valued or recognised, it can lead to exhaustion and demoralisation.

What needs to change? It starts with acknowledging the mental labour involved in keeping everything running smoothly – the constant mental checklist of tasks and responsibilities that often goes unnoticed and unappreciated. Rebalancing this load is crucial for the well-being of female workers, leaders, and entrepreneurs who are at higher risk of burnout and career setbacks due to the invisible work they undertake.

Eve Rodsky, in her book "Fair Play," outlines three components of every task:

1. Execution involves physically completing tasks like laundry, cooking, or paying bills.

2. Planning entails the mental work of anticipating, deciding, and organizing resources for successful task completion.

3. Emotional labour involves managing feelings, providing support, and maintaining relationships while performing tasks, ensuring emotional well-being for oneself and others involved.

To rebalance the mental load, start by challenging past influences and outdated assumptions about gender roles, and actively challenge current habits that perpetuate inequality. Allison Daminger breaks down the mental load into four parts: anticipate, identify, decide, and monitor.

Practical Tips to Start Working on Better Managing Your Mental Load

Anticipate:

Establish a shared family calendar to record commitments and set reminders for important tasks. Hold regular family meetings to discuss upcoming plans and household needs. Keep a list of groceries to anticipate purchases.

Identify: Organise tasks by priority and delegate responsibilities to family members. Track recurring tasks to streamline future planning. Use checklists to monitor progress on various projects. Teach your children that housework is a team effort and establish a shared approach to household responsibilities early on to create a happier and healthier family life.

Decide:

Create decision-making criteria for routine tasks. Prioritise tasks based on urgency and delegate authority accordingly. Involve all family members in major decisions through consensus-building techniques. Communicate openly with your partner to ensure an equitable division of labour.

Monitor: Conduct regular check-ins to assess progress and address concerns. Use tracking tools to monitor household effectiveness. Foster open communication and celebrate achievements to reinforce positive behaviours.

At a national level, the Australian government is confronting the reality of gender inequality that limits our collective progress. While entrenched biases persist, there's a growing momentum to challenge these norms and create a more equitable society. As women juggling the demands of the mental load, it's up to us to lead by example, setting healthy boundaries and inspiring others to thrive alongside us.

About Dr Bek

I work with people who want to improve their personal well-being and interactions with others to feel more content and on top of life.

My practical strategies are tailored for clients who describe a feeling of languishing – having a pervasive or acute sense of being discontent or unsatisfied, yet unable to effectively move past it.

I want to help you to find ways to achieve your life goals without feeling you need to compromise your well-being.

• 30+ years of psychology experience helping busy people develop better skills to address challenges in professional, personal and relationship functioning

• Over a decade as a university professor teaching higher degree clinical and forensic psychology students and conducting research into human mind and behaviour

• Criminal behaviour analyst with an international and national reputation and a special interest in profiling and treatment of deliberate firesetting

• 20+ years as a military (uniformed) psychologist in the Australian Defence Force

Messy Sensory Play Recipes by Sam from Messy Play for Two

Are you interested in trying some messy sensory play with your little one?

Messy and sensory play are used pretty interchangeably, it allows your toddler to discover new smells and colours, as well as enabling them to be comfortable with a range of textures.

Messy sensory play gives children the opportunity to use their creativity while developing dexterity, imagination, and physical, social and emotional skills.

Read below for my top three taste safe* messy sensory recipes:

Oobleck

Oobleck is an interesting messy play for you to try with your little one. It is a Non-Newtonian fluid - it acts as a liquid when in resting, and a solid when pressure is applied.

2 cups of cornflour

1 cup of water (add food colouring of choice to your water)

Mix with spoon or hand

Provide your child with some tools when trying this, some spoons, scoops, cups and bowls, for them to explore, before they become comfortable to explore with their hands! You can then start adding figurines, or other additions to theme your oobleck!

Jelly

Jelly has got to be one of my kids’ favourites when it comes to messy play! And I’ve found the perfect recipe to making firm jelly for your little one to investigate with their hands, a rip apart with their fingers!

3 tablespoons of gelatine powder

Stir into 250ml of boiling water until dissolved

Add 250ml of cold water and stir

Add food colouring of choice

You can then either add this to a baking paper lined tray to cut into shapes, or (my favourite) add into a tray with shapes or images.

Jelly play has so many benefits for your child. It helps to strengthen the muscles in their fingers, which is essential for handwriting, as well as bilateral coordination (using both sides of their body at once)

Chia Slime

Our final recipe can receive mixed reviews, but it was one of the first messy bases my girls really enjoyed!

1/4 cups chia seeds

1 3/4 cups food coloured water

Leave to soak overnight

Add between 1-4 cups of cornflour depending on desired consistency

There are loads of great themes you can add to your chia slime! You can either play on its own, or create a Dino Swamp, Frog Pond, or Muddy African Animal play!

Be warned though, this one can get messy!

So, the next time you’re looking to try some messy sensory play with your little one, why not try one of these recipes? Bonus, they don’t require too many ingredients and aren’t difficult to create!

About the author

My name is Sam, and I’m the very lucky mumma to active twin toddler girls H & C. I started our play account, @messyplayfortwo, as a place to document and share the fun, and often messy activities we enjoy! As my girls have grown, their interests have changed, but will always be completely immersed in anything they can be covered in!

Sam is a valued member of the Clever Bugs community. Make sure you head over and check out her page here.

Worried about the mess? You are not alone! Try containing the mess in a Crafty Pod (below) or taking your messy play outside!

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5 activities for kids using play scarves

Unlock the magic of play scarves – the ultimate tool for sparking your child's imagination! Here are 5 simple yet captivating ways to transform a play scarf into endless fun:

1. Craft a Flag

Attach your play scarf to a stick and create a vibrant flag. It's a joy to see children's delight as it dances in the breeze.

2. Small World Adventures

Play scarves are the perfect, mess-free base for imaginative small worlds. They bring a touch of sensory wonder to playtime, no clean up required!

3. Hero’s Cape

In a few simple twists, a play scarf becomes a superhero cape, ready for daring adventures and pretend play.

4. Gift Wrapping

The most beautiful and reusable gift wrap you will ever need.

5. Sensory Exploration

Play scarves provide a unique sensory experience, perfect for tactile play and exploration. Use them as a mess free alternative to sensory bases.

Embrace these screen-free activities to encourage creativity, sensory play, and imaginative exploration. Dive into the endless possibilities with your child today!

Check out the new Fun Scarves range from Funsquare we have added to the store here!

Nature Play

Getting outside and exploring nature, whether in your own backyard or going for a bush walk is intrinsic to child development. Not only does being outside help to regulate both child and adult emotions but building a connection and love of the natural environment could not be more important than it is right now.

Children find wonder in what we may see as the simplest of things, a rock or a leaf. Do your pockets end up full of treasure collected by your child? Mine definitely do! Nurturing this wonder and resisting the urge to hurry them up to reach your destination is so important.

We want them to be observant and notice the ants on a log and follow them to where they are going, building critical thinking skills. We always take our magnifying glass to really get up close and investigate things. We always stop to look and feel what is around us. My daughter who is 3 and a half loves moss, she call it the "little carpets" on the rocks.

Ways you can encourage your little ones to engage in you nature walks:

•   Make journey sticks: take some sticky tape or some twine to wrap around a good stick, then collect things along you walk like leaves, feathers and seed pod adding to your stick. You end up with a beautiful nature wand or journey stick at the end. Alternatively you can use a nature boquet holder to make a beautiful nature boquet.

•   Make leaf kebabs: using a stick thread leaves onto it. A great fine motor activity and you can even try and make a rainbow or a pattern.

• Take a basket to collect you treasure. You can then use this in future plays at home.

• Go on a senses treasure hunt: find something hard, soft, crunchy, heavy etc

• Make some leaf or bark rubbings. Get some paper and lay it over some bark or a leaf, rub a crayon over it making a beautiful rubbing of the texture.

Remember it’s the journey not the destination. Splash in the puddles, dig in the dirt, collect leaves and rocks and memories along the way.